Become the Source Video Lesson Week 1

I LISTEN TO ME

Week 1 Self-Discovery Worksheet

The first promise a secure person makes to themselves is:

I listen to me.

Before you can trust yourself, you have to learn how to hear yourself again.

When you’ve spent a lot of time looking outside of yourself for reassurance, approval, direction, or a sense of safety, it can become surprisingly difficult to know what you actually think, feel, need, want, or prefer.

You may have learned to quickly dismiss your feelings, question your instincts, prioritize someone else’s needs, or convince yourself that something “isn’t a big deal” before you’ve even had a chance to understand what’s happening inside of you.

This week is about slowing that process down.

You are not trying to have the “right” answer. You are practicing becoming someone who is willing to notice yourself, hear yourself, and take yourself seriously.

PART 1: COME BACK TO YOU

Take a moment to turn your attention away from the other person and toward yourself.

You don't need to fix anything. Just notice.

What am I feeling?

What emotions have been coming up for me lately?
What feelings have I been trying not to feel?
Is there a feeling I keep minimizing, dismissing, or talking myself out of?
If I stopped trying to make my feelings make sense, what might I admit that I feel?
What emotion feels easiest for me to acknowledge?
What emotion feels hardest for me to acknowledge?
What do I wish someone else would understand about how I feel?
If my feelings didn't need anyone else's agreement or validation to be legitimate, what would I allow myself to feel?

Right now, I feel:

What I think this feeling may be trying to tell me:

PART 2: LISTEN TO YOUR BODY

Your body often notices something before your mind has words for it.

Instead of immediately explaining away a sensation, practice becoming curious about it.

What sensations have I noticed in my body lately?
When I think about a particular person or situation, what happens in my body?
Where do I feel tension, heaviness, tightness, warmth, expansion, or ease?
When does my body seem to relax?
When does my body seem to brace or contract?
Is there something my body seems to know that my mind keeps trying to convince me isn't true?
What happens in my body when I imagine saying what I really think?
What happens in my body when I imagine honoring what I actually need?

My body is telling me:

PART 3: WHAT DO I NEED?

Sometimes we become so focused on what someone else needs from us that we lose touch with what we need from ourselves and from our relationships.

Take the time to answer without asking, “Is this reasonable?” or “Will they be okay with this?”

What do I need emotionally right now?
What do I need physically?
What do I need in my relationships?
What do I need more of?
What do I need less of?
What would help me feel more supported?
What would help me feel more respected?
What would help me feel more at ease?
What need have I been afraid to admit?
What need do I regularly tell myself is “too much”?
What do I need but rarely ask for?
Where am I expecting myself to tolerate something I actually need to address?

If I were completely honest with myself, I need:

One need I've been minimizing is:

PART 4: WHAT DO I WANT?

There is a difference between what you want and what you think you should want.

Practice separating your authentic preferences from what you've learned is acceptable, desirable, or expected.

What do I actually want?
What would I choose if I didn't have to worry about disappointing anyone?
What do I want more of in my life?
What do I want less of?
What do I genuinely enjoy?
What makes me feel energized, peaceful, playful, connected, or alive?
What do I tolerate that I don't actually like?
What preferences have I stopped expressing?
What do I say “I don't care” about when I actually do care?
What would I choose if nobody else had an opinion about it?

Something I want that I've been afraid to fully admit is:

PART 5: WHAT DO I BELIEVE?

Your beliefs shape what you allow yourself to notice, express, ask for, and stand up for.

Consider:

What do I believe about myself?
What do I believe I deserve in relationships?
What do I believe my needs mean about me?
What do I believe happens when I disappoint someone?
What do I believe happens when someone is upset with me?
What do I believe happens when I say no?
What do I believe happens when I ask for more?
What do I believe happens when I disagree?
What do I believe happens when I prioritize myself?
What do I believe makes someone “easy” to love?
What do I believe makes someone “too much”?
What do I believe I have to do to keep someone close?

One belief I notice I carry about myself or relationships is:

PART 6: WHERE DO I OVERRIDE MYSELF?

Self-abandonment often happens in very small moments.

It's the moment you say “It's fine” when it isn't.

The moment you say “I don't care” when you do.

The moment you need something but decide not to ask.

The moment your body says no and you say yes.

The moment you know something doesn't feel right but immediately search for reasons it should.

Think about your own patterns.

I tend to override myself when...

Someone I love is upset with me.
Someone pulls away or becomes distant.
I think someone might reject me.
I worry about being perceived as difficult.
I don't want to disappoint someone.
I am afraid someone will leave.
Someone disagrees with me.
I think my needs might create conflict.
I don't know how someone will respond.
Someone else's needs seem more important than mine.

The situations where I most often silence or override myself are:

What I usually tell myself in those moments:

PART 7: WHAT DID I LEARN?

Now we go a little deeper.

Many of the ways you relate to yourself today were learned somewhere along the way.

You may have learned that certain feelings were inconvenient, certain needs were too much, certain preferences weren't important, or that keeping other people happy was safer than being fully yourself.

You don't need to remember one specific event. Look for the message you may have absorbed.

Complete these sentences:

Growing up, I learned that if I expressed my feelings...

I learned that my needs were...

I learned that saying no meant...

I learned that disagreeing with someone meant...

I learned that asking for what I wanted would...

I learned that being easy to love meant...

I learned that if someone was upset with me, I needed to...

I learned that other people's feelings were my responsibility when...

I learned that it was safer to stay quiet when...

I learned that I could trust myself when...

PART 8: IDENTIFY THE BELIEFS THAT KEEP YOU FROM LISTENING TO YOU

Sometimes the hardest part of listening to yourself isn't that you don't know what you feel.

It's that something inside of you has learned that it isn't safe, acceptable, or worthwhile to honor what you feel.

Read through the statements below and notice which ones feel familiar.

I may struggle to listen to myself because I believe...

☐ My feelings aren't that important.

☐ I'm probably overreacting.

☐ I'm too sensitive.

☐ My needs are too much.

☐ I should be able to handle things on my own.

☐ Other people's needs should come before mine.

☐ If someone is upset with me, I've done something wrong.

☐ If I say what I really think, I might be rejected.

☐ If I say no, someone might leave.

☐ If I ask for more, I'll push someone away.

☐ It's my job to keep the relationship peaceful.

☐ I need other people to agree with me before I can trust my perspective.

☐ Someone else's feelings are more important than my own.

☐ Being easygoing makes me easier to love.

☐ If I have needs, I'm being demanding.

☐ If someone doesn't like my boundary, I must be doing something wrong.

☐ I need to understand someone else's perspective before I'm allowed to honor my own.

☐ I can't trust myself to make the right decision.

☐ I need someone else to tell me what I should do.

☐ It's safer to adapt than to risk losing someone.

The beliefs that stood out to me most were:

PART 9: WHERE DID THIS BELIEF COME FROM?

Choose one belief from above and get curious about it.

The belief I'm exploring is:

Where do I think I learned this?

What experiences may have reinforced this belief?

Whose voice does this belief sound like?

What did I have to believe about myself in order to make sense of those experiences?

How did this belief once help me feel safer, connected, accepted, or protected?

How does this belief affect the way I treat myself today?

What does this belief cost me in my relationships now?

PART 10: WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE TO LISTEN TO ME?

You don't have to change everything at once.

Start with one small moment where you practice listening instead of overriding yourself.

Think about a current situation in your life.

The situation I'm thinking about:

What do I actually feel?

What do I actually need?

What do I actually want?

What is my body telling me?

What do I believe about this situation?

What am I tempted to tell myself instead?

What am I afraid might happen if I listen to myself?

What old belief might be driving that fear?

Now ask yourself:

If I trusted that my feelings, needs, preferences, beliefs, and body cues were worth listening to, what would I do next?

YOUR WEEK 1 PRACTICE

For the rest of this week, pause at least once a day and ask yourself:

“What is happening inside of me right now?”

Then listen without immediately fixing, minimizing, judging, or explaining it away.

Ask:

What am I feeling?
What do I need?
What do I want?
What is my body telling me?
What do I think?
What do I prefer?
What would honoring myself look like right now?

You don't have to act on every feeling or fulfill every need immediately.

Listening to yourself does not mean that every feeling becomes a command.

It means you stop abandoning yourself before you've even had the chance to hear what you have to say.

That is where self-trust begins.

This week's commitment:

One way I will practice listening to myself this week is:

When I notice myself minimizing, overriding, or questioning myself, I will remind myself:

“I don't have to agree with myself yet. I just have to be willing to listen.”